New Year, New Us

January 2, 2021

As we bring a close to 2020, I believe that it is important that we look back at the challenges and successes that we have experienced in the previous year. I remember thinking on December 31st, 2019 that 2020 was going to be my year, that I was going to grow, excel, and become some semblance of what I thought I would be by the age of 31; however, I did not anticipate a pandemic changing our lives radically. Through the challenges, success was still possible.

The new year found me as a newly single person, out of a toxic relationship, I saw myself rebuilding myself this past year. Getting back in touch with what I found important, what I enjoyed, and what made me happy. My successes include getting back into the full-time workforce, getting a car, rebuilding relationships, getting promoted, loving myself (and someone else), as well as getting out on my own. The world looks different now, I can see hope, positivity, and enjoy waking up daily. I no longer dread getting out of bed and wondering what I am going to wake up to. Most importantly I found myself setting goals, doing new things, and pushing myself to grow and develop.

Following any relationship of significant length, I found myself in a rebound relationship. Blinded by the attention and treatment I had not experienced I told myself I had found love again, but it was an experience needed to remind myself that I had goals, and I had wants and needs of my own that I was refusing to settle on. I refused to settle for anything less than what made me happy, and for the first time in my life, I stood up for myself in a relationship. I communicated my needs, and that they weren't being met, and ultimately I moved on from something that was meant to be a lesson on to something much better.

I moved on to a relationship with myself. A relationship where I saw myself for the person deserving of love that I felt I never knew before. I had grown to accept that I was going to have to settle for only half of what I was wanting in life. I accepted that I did not deserve to be loved, that the hurt and pain I experienced in life was a norm for me; However, I saw for the first time, meaning and purpose. I saw that I could have happiness without months of hardship and drama.

The whole experience took me back to my high school days, when over the loud speaker, our principal would end every day with the words, "Make it a great day, or not, the choice is yours." and while I did not understand it at the time, the words clicked for me. I have a choice in what I allow in my life, I have a choice in what I accept. No, things will not be 100% perfect, but perfection is in the perspective. I can chose to allow drama in my life, I can chose to allow negativity; but if I chose this I am choosing to repeat the same cycles that have landed me in bad situations in the past. Just as I can choose to allow these things; I can chose to not allow them.

I decided to surround myself by positivity and encouragement. I found saying, quotes, scripture, anything that inspired me, and put it in places that I would see every day. I began to speak my mind when things bothered me, and speak up when I felt mistreatment was happening (regardless of how receptive the individual was of it). And through this, I weeded through a lot of drama, a lot of anxiety, and I found not only happiness in myself, but found the light of someone that believed in me. That understood my past, accepted it, and realized that it does not define who I am now but merely shaped it. He accepts me, I accept him, and most importantly we communicate. Something bothers one of us, we say it. We discuss plans, we make goals, we want to see each other succeed and improve.

Yes, 2020 was long, it was crazy and unpredictable and there were times that a month felt like a year; but it was also filled with growth and understanding. I am excited to say that 2021, whatever it may bring, I am prepared for. I am setting individual goals, we are setting couple and relationship goals, and through the joined strength and determination (as well as accountability) we will reach those goals.

What were your challenges this year? What were your successes? Do you have any goals that you have set?

I have set one goal that I want to share with my readers, I love to write. Writing brings me joy and I find myself in the zone when I am writing. So for 2021 I am going to write 1 post a week (minimum) and will try and use a "This week in LGBTQ+ history" as the theme for each week. This is a project that I am taking on as a goal so that I can remember what is most important to me, passion. If you cannot find passion in your life, enjoyment in what you do, then why continue doing it?

So I leave you with this piece of advice: Don't make a resolution for yourself that you are going to forget by the middle of January, make goals for yourself that you not make but make properly. Make SMART goals.

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Relevant

Timely

And make them smarter by making them

Exciting (to you)

&

Review/Reward - Review your goal regularly and reward yourself at certain intervals.

Embrace your loved ones, stay safe, and wear your mask!

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.